A couple of weeks ago, I attended Sony’s Camera Camp event.

Pics or didn’t happen (can you spot me?):

At this event, there were a variety of creators. For example, there were creators in Fashion, Beauty, Lifestyle, Family, Food, Travel, Tech, and more.

I talk more about how I felt like an utter fraud in this YouTube video, but newsletter subscribers get the extended tea, so let’s start with My Top Takeaways from attending this event.

1. What you avoid, you never overcome.

I’ve been avoiding a lot of stuff.

I’ve avoided going to networking events.

I’ve avoided speaking (can you believe I turned down speaking at ConvertKit’s conference or Think Media’s Grow with Video online? Me neither.). 

I’ve even avoided posting on social media because sometimes, it feels too scary to face the possibility that some of my posts might not perform.

One night, I told my mentor about the many things I didn’t want to do, including hiring and managing a team.

He asked me:

“Do you think you’ll never work with anyone again? You’ll never need to hire?”

The truth is, I will need to hire help one day when I outgrow my capacity.

Just like how I will need to post something on the internet one day if I want to continue my passion for writing and making videos.

I still have goals. I still have a version of myself that I want to become.

This is when I learned that just because you remove something from your life doesn’t mean you’ve developed the skills to overcome it.

Just because I removed the team doesn’t mean I’ve learned to become a better leader.

Just because I don’t attend events doesn’t mean I’ve learned how to form connections.

Just because I took a sabbatical and removed social media for 12 months doesn’t mean I’ve learned to set boundaries with it.

Here’s a chart my therapist showed me:

While avoidance gives us temporary relief, it only causes us to fear the problem even more in the long term, weakening our ability to overcome it. Fear grows through avoidance.

This is when I decided that the Sony event would be perfect for increasing my tolerance. And as you’ll see in the next lesson, I’m so glad I decided to go.

2. Personality vs. Skillset

A month ago, I went to my friend’s birthday party and talked only to my three close friends. I didn’t mingle with anyone else.

I felt disappointed because I wondered how I could even move to a new city if I felt too shy to start a conversation with strangers.

It must be my personality. I’m an introvert, and unfortunately, my sabbatical made me even more so.

This snowballed into an even bigger fear:

I am SO NOT ready for the Sony event!!!

So, I sent a couple of voice notes telling my mentor about my social anxieties, and here’s how our chat went:

I learned that when I perceive a shortcoming as a personality trait, I believe I have no control over the situation.

As a result, this makes me anxious and powerless.

However, the moment I started to perceive my shortcomings as skills that I could develop, I started to believe that I had more control over my fate.

Inspired by our chat, I immediately bought two books on how to make conversation.

The first book was The Fine Art of Small Talk, and the second book was How to Talk to Anyone.

After reading the books, I felt equipped because I had a toolkit that included examples of open-ended questions, tips on revitalizing a conversation, and more.

As a result:

• I spoke to my Lyft driver and got marriage advice. Turns out he worked for Tony Robbins!
  

• A flight attendant showed photos from her wedding in the Rocky Mountains because I was curious about her engagement ring.
  

• I connected 3 strangers who all found out they were on the same Alaskan cruise simply because I asked one lady where she was headed.

I’ve seen these things happen to others, yet I believed they could never happen to me.

But most importantly, I was prepared for the Sony event.

I ate at a different table daily, learned about various people, connected with as many people as possible, and continued conversations instead of letting them hang in awkward silence.

Bottom line?

Going to the Sony event gave me evidence that many of the things I avoid are things I can actually control, change, and improve at.

It’s not my personality, and I’m not powerless.

3. Just because you like watching it doesn’t mean you need to create it.

I figured the Sony event would be a great way to learn more about other niches, especially the ones I like watching: Vloggers, lifestyle, fashion, beauty.

To my surprise, I came out of the event realizing that even though I enjoy watching that type of content, I genuinely don’t think creating that type of content is for me.

• I saw the vloggers vlogging, holding cameras everywhere they went, making their lives seem as entertaining as possible.
  

• I saw the beauty creators retreating back to their rooms for hours during the event to film their makeup routines.
  

• I saw the fashion creators spend most of the time in the corner of the yacht, taking as many photos as possible for their Instagram.
  

• I even overheard a tech reviewer talking about how Samsung just released a new product and how bad they feel about missing out on announcing it to their audience in real-time.

This isn’t to shade or criticize any creator.

It’s a reminder that there’s many behind the scenes aspects we don’t consider when we watch other peoples ’s content.

Witnessing other people’s processes also made me realize that certain styles don’t align with my strengths, personal goals, or values—even though I enjoy watching the content!

For example, I learned that:

• I prefer talking about my experience rather than showing it. I don’t like vlogging and feeling pressure to have a camera in my face while I live my life.
  

• I prefer the depth of long-form content rather than the “efficiency” of short-form content. I don’t like the idea of spending hours on a 30-second video.
  

• I prefer my videos to be sit-down, talk-to-camera rather than have lots of different angles and scenes. My strength lies in teaching and sharing lessons about my experiences rather than finding the best angles and creative shots.

Remember:

Don’t feel pressure to change your style just because you see other creators succeeding using a style different from yours.

If anything, instead of seeing other creators’ zones of geniuses and thinking you lack some special ability, allow other creators’ strengths to highlight your style even more.

Pioneer your own lane. Double down on your style - and make a signature out of it rather than trying to be like someone else.

4. Which comments make you feel good and purposeful? Follow that.

iJustine is a YouTuber with 7M subscribers who’s been making videos for over a decade.

When asked how she keeps going, she said she uses her comment section, not her views, as her North Star.

I resonate deeply with that.

Sometimes, I want to get many views on a video because it makes me feel good.

So, I post content that I think might go viral or that most people would want from me.

Sometimes, this looks like: “How to get 10,000 new followers in the next 30 days” or “How to make money on YouTube with 0 experience”

It can even look like hyper-strategizing a video, ensuring I follow a “perfect” script and have a watch-bait 30-second hook.

But when I make videos like this, even if they get many views or watch time, they either attract comments that give me anxiety or they attract people who have now fallen in love with a version of me that’s not actually me.

Whereas when I make videos where I speak from the heart, where I feel I’m not performing, and where I almost expect won’t get many views…

The comment section lights me up because I feel accepted for who I am, not who I’m performing as.

The truth is you can chase fame, money, and going viral, but if you continue to create content that doesn’t represent you, then the tradeoff becomes building an audience you resent or want to avoid.

Similar to the 1,000 true fans theory, I would rather have a small number of people who share similar values than millions of people who only like me when I’m pretending to be someone else.

For this exact reason, I was willing to purge my email list of 200,000 subscribers and rebuild it from scratch with readers who share my values (by the way, thanks for being here! 😀 )

All in all, I’m realizing that when you create content that feels most authentic to you, the audience that likes that content are your true people.

While there is always room for genuine improvement and feedback…

Here’s what I want you to know:

The people who want to change your natural style…

The people who want you to change the topics you like talking about…

The people who want you to be the version of you they’ve created in their minds…

Those aren’t always your people. In fact, they were never your people.

And the more you try to please people who don’t accept you for who you are, the more likely you are to grow an audience that leaves you feeling lonely.

And where’s the fun and longevity in that?

So, here’s my challenge to you.

If you’ve been avoiding something:

If you want more clarity with content:

If you liked this newsletter, then you’ll love this accompanying video:

In this video, I share some fun clips of the event, my anxieties about meeting new people, and my learning lessons about avoidance.

If there’s anything I want you to take away from my story, it's that you are powerful!

Anything that’s ever made you feel powerless, remember that YOU have the power to take control and conquer it.

Anything that’s ever made you doubt your strengths, remember that YOU are in your own category of one. You are unique, and that uniqueness is your power.

Anyone who’s made you feel like you need to be someone different, remember that there are MILLIONS of people who are searching RIGHT NOW for someone JUST LIKE YOU to follow and learn from.

Don’t change yourself for the ONE. BE yourself for the MILLIONS.

Until the next one, do something fearless today,

Vanessa

PS: Thank you to those of you who replied to my last email! If you haven’t already, can you do me a favor and reply to this email? I’ve recently switched email providers and your engagement will help my email deliverability (aka making sure my future emails actually make it to your inbox).

It can be as easy as replying with an emoji 🙂 Thank you so much!

PS: If you LOVED this email, feel free to screenshot your favorite part of this newsletter and tag me @vanessalau.co in your Instagram stories. I’d love to reshare as many as I can!